A Bromance Shattered
by Mrs. Cedric Cullen
Summary: David and Wes always have little arguments, but when a secret is revealed, it turns into a full-out bromance war. Slightly crackish. Rating for language.
1. A Bromance Shattered

**A/N: My best friend songstobesung and I created this little beauty while texting each other. I added transitions to make it make a little more sense, but all of the dialogue is straight from the conversation. She took Wes, and I took David. The rest ensued. Enjoy!**

David, Wes, Kurt, and Blaine all sat in David and Wes's room at Dalton Academy, talking and arguing about nothing in particular. However, David and Wes began to recount how their girlfriends act towards each other, much to the amusement of the other couple.

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT! I thought... I thought you thought I was different," David said, smiling even though he was supposed to be upset.

Wes looked away, tears in his eyes (a talent that Kurt was proud to have taught), saying softly, "But after you took him from me, I stopped thinking we could be something. Our relationship was based on lies."

David's eyes glinted, and everyone knew an inappropriate comment was coming, when he yelled, "He's good in bed!" before dying laughing.

"But he was mine to love, not yours," Wes mourned, tears streaming down his face, betrayed by his smile.

"He's a man, not a puppy. You never owned him! It's not MY fault that you weren't enough for him! We share a love that even a pathetic whore like you can't break!"

"Burn..." Kurt whispered to Blaine, who smothered his laughter in his hand. Wes continued, not hearing the comment.

"Me? Pathetic? No, YOU are pathetic. I... I loved you, and then you stole him. WE WERE FUCKING EACH OTHER! And you knew how I felt about him!"

"All's fair in love and war," David snapped, and Blaine and Kurt were unsure whether they were still joking, as both smiles had disappeared. "And no, we were never each other, because I would NEVER be the sorry person that you are stuck being. I'm better than that."

"BECAUSE OF YOUR PLASTIC SURGURY! I can tell it wasn't just a _little_ dash of silicon!" Wes countered. Kurt poked Blaine at the _A Chorus Line _reference.

David gasped in shock, exclaiming, "You bitch!" Then, he collected himself a bit, saying, "Well, now I really do see why he chose me over you, and it has nothing to do with my cup size."

Wes cackled with cruel laughter, saying, "Nothing's as natural as his love for fakes. You're proof of that!"

"Well, even if he does love fake girls, at least I'm one of them!" he yelled, pausing with a look of revelation on his face. "That's just it then! I know why you're getting so pissed. YOU'RE FUCKING JEALOUS OF ME!"

Wes looked offended, saying, "Honey, I'm fabulous. I'm not jealous of you. Unlike you little plasty, I look fabulous WITHOUT LIPO SUCTION!"

David wore the 'bitch, that was bellow the belt' face on, screaming, "HOW THE FUCKING HELL DID YOU KNOW ABOUT MY PROCEDURE?"

"Honey, no one misses a week of school and comes back with no waist and boobs harder than Blaine gets when Kurt walks in the room," he said in a sickly sweet voice, ignoring Blaine's cries of discontent.

"Are you comparing my sexy boobs to a pair of gay men? What the fuck is THAT about? Are you subliminally trying to explain why you stare at them so much? Huh? Is that it?"

"Them being those watermelons or them being those two gay men?" Wes asked, borrowing the voice of a middle school mean girl.

"Come on," David said, taking on a seductive voice, "you KNOW you want these!" he shouted, squishing together his imaginary breasts, increasing their size and increasing Kurt and Blaine's laughter.

"BLACK PEOPLE SHOULDN'T HAVE WATERMELON BOOBS!"

"NOW YOU'RE BEING RACIST!"

"Oh, shit," Kurt whispered.

"AT LEAST I LOVE MY SEXY BODY!" Wes exclaimed unexpectedly, strutting around the room and smacking his butt, causing rib-cracking laughter, and a slack-jawed David.

"Okay, now you're just teasing me," David said softly.

Wes rolled his eyes, commenting, "You're such a drama QUEEN!"

"HOW DID YOU FIND OUT?" David shouted, rendering everyone speechless.

"WHEN YOU TOOK BLAINE AWAY FROM KURT FOR SMOOTHIES!"

"I DID THAT TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS!" David shouted back, real tears beginning to form in his eyes.

"Well I'm in love... with Mercedes," Wes answered quietly, casting his eyes away from David. Kurt gave a slight gasp of surprise.

David looked like a puppy that had been punched when he stuttered, "Then... All the... You've been... It wasn't..." He pulled himself together, anger knitting his features as he yelled as loud as he could, "FUCK YOU WES!"

Wes looked wounded as he replied, "David, we used to have this wonderful bromance. What happened?"

"Kurt and Blaine happened," he answered, his voice barely above a whisper. "I just-" he stopped, sighing. "Never mind. You wouldn't understand."

And with that, he turned and started walking towards the door, his head down and shoulders shrugged. Wes grabbed his arm and turned his around, trying to make eye contact.

"David, I never really meant to hurt you," he said softly.

"Are you sure you guys are straight?" Kurt asked, completely serious.

"I know you didn't, Wes. But you did, and now I have to go," David answered dejectedly, trying to pull his arm out of Wes's grasp.

"Kurt, I think we both know the answer to this one," Blaine replied, struggling to keep a straight face.

Wes sobbed unexpectedly, begging, "Even though we aren't meant to be, are we still friends?"

"This is worse than New Directions drama..." Kurt muttered half to himself.

David looked up to make eye contact with Wes, the tears threatening to spill over, and said, "Y-yeah... I mean... I just need to think things through. I'll-I'll text you, I promise."

He pulled his arm away and walked out of the room, sniffling, shutting the door behind him.

Blaine leaned toward Kurt and muttered, "David's about as straight as a circle."

"You're telling me?" the other boy replied. Wes flopped face-down on his bed, the springs creaking, and said, muffled by his pillow, "I'm such an awful bromancer."

Blaine walked over and patted his friend on the back, while winking a Kurt, and said, "Hey, Wes, what's Narnia like?"

Kurt lost it, falling back against the wall, holding his ribs as he laughed uncontrollably.

"Guys, it isn't funny!" yelled Wes, still muffled by the pillow.

"I CAN'T BREATHE!" Kurt screamed.

Blaine was clutching his stomach and wiping the tears away from his eyes as he laughed so hard he thought he would die.

"Guys, it isn't funny!" he repeated.

"Dude, yeah, it is!" Kurt replied, wiping tears that were streaming down his face. Blaine, meanwhile, looked over at Wes and saw his distress. The boy got out his iPhone, and both Kurt and Blaine rushed over to see what he was doing.

_I miss you, bro-boyfriend David :'(_

The couple took one look at the message and cracked up.

"You're pathetic," Blaine said, punching him lightly in the arm.

Kurt rolled his eyes, commenting, "Even I'm not that dramatic!" Just then, Wes's phone vibrated, and he scrambled to read the message.

_I miss you more... :'(_

Wes bounced up and down on his bed like a five-year-old who had just seen Santa. "He misses me! David misses me!"

_Baby, come back to me!_

"You're worse than Rachel Berry missing Finn," Kurt said, shaking his head.

All of a sudden, the door opened, and David cautiously walked back in the room.

"You mean it? You want me back?"

Wes clumsily leaped off the bed and ran over to his best friend. "Bro hug?"

"I'm scared," Blaine whispered to his boyfriend.

"Hell yeah!" David exclaimed, catching Wes as he practically jumped into his arms.

"Me too," Kurt whispered back.

After about three minutes of bro hugging, Wes was put down. He looked over at his audience and asked, "Now that that's over, who's ready for a Harry Potter movie marathon?"

_**Fin.**_


	2. A Romance Shattered

**A/N: Once again, songstobesung and I were texting each other random things, when she began to throw Glee characters in. Who am I to deny the fanfiction public our conversation in its entirety, featuring transitions by yours truly to make everything make sense?**

**Enjoy!**

"Sorry I keep acting like a bitch," apologized Kurt one day, to the surprise of David, Wes, and Blaine. The last boy, however, smoothly came back with a "You're my bitch though!" to the amusement of the other two bromancers.

"I was," Kurt commented softly, drawing his boyfriend's attention. Blaine looked at him wearing a look of utter confusion.

"Was? You still is!" he exclaimed, slightly worried.

"No," Kurt finally said, "I left you for Wes."

There was a moment of silence in which Blaine stopped breathing, and Wes exchanged a sly glance with Kurt. David looked on with a look of shock on his face, and he breathed, "Damn..." Blaine stuttered a bunch of nonsense in reply, nearly entering a state of shock.

"Don't be upset!" Kurt quickly amended. "He wants to be fuck-buddies, and I get a solo out of it! Blaine, are you upset about this?"

"Very much!" Blaine exclaimed, virtually unable to say anything more.

"Well, I never got a solo fucking you!" huffed Kurt in return.

David looked from one boy to the other as if watching a tennis match before shouting, "You and Blaine had sex? Blay, why didn't you tell me?"

"You'd never understand David, that's why," Blaine answered, his eyes never leaving Kurt.

"David screwed Millie yesterday," Wes commented to break the mood. "I know this because he's very vocal."

"TMI, Wes," Kurt muttered. "Now, can Blaine and I get back to our drama, Friend With Benefits?"

Blaine's heart nearly stopped at this pet name.

"I can't believe you didn't even tell me, Kurt! I mean, I rocked your world!" he said loudly, reuniting with his voice.

Kurt turned bright red, before saying, "But Wessie is just a friend. He has a bromance with David, remember?"

"I know that! But Kurt, with me, it's all or nothing. I can't take being your second bitch."

Wes nudged David at Blaine's _Oklahoma! _reference, before David died laughing, choking out, "Blaine, I've never heard you say that word!"

Kurt ignored him, moving on with the argument.

"Wes serenaded me with Gaga. He clearly has superior taste in music."

Blaine sighed, David's guffaws starting to wear on him.

"David, fuck off. Kurt, I serenaded you with 'Teenage Dream.' Isn't that enough?" he asked quietly.

"Wes!" David shouted far louder than necessary. "Get out the camera! BLAINE JUST SAID FUCK! He's growing up!"

"Katy is subpar to Gaga."

Blaine, sighed, running his hand through his hair, trying to figure out what was happening, but being distracted by David's laughter. Finally, he replied.

"David, why are you even here? Kurt, can't you just respect my music choices?"

David answered, "I didn't want to study."

Wes added, "I just wanted to watch you guys fight.

Kurt replied, "I do. But, please Blaine, do you still love me?"

Blaine sighed before saying, "Kurt, how can you even ask such a thing? I will ALWAYS love you, but you broke my heart just now."

Blaine was unaware of Wes pretend gagging and choking himself as his speech proceeded. David, however, was not, and joined his bromancer is clutching his heart and pretending to sob melodramatically. Kurt was also pointedly ignoring the pair.

"Good, because I love you too," he replied, smiling widely. "You do realize what I said was a joke, right?" he asked waiting for a moment for the words to sink in. Before Blaine had a chance to reply, he said, "I'm still your bitch, baby."

Blaine hadn't registered what Kurt had told him just yet, continuing, "And I mean, yeah, I'll never be able to look at Wes the same way again, but... Wait, a joke?"

Wes began to crack up, yelling through his cackles, "YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE!"

David joined him in the hysterics, crying, "But I did get you saying fuck on camera!"

Kurt ignored them again, reassuring, "Baby, of course it was a joke. I love you so much, and I love your music choices too!"

"You were screwing with me? Dear God, I almost had a fucking heart attack!" Blaine exclaimed.

"David, he said fuck again!"

"Our dapper gentleman is growing up!" David yelled happily.

Kurt glared at Blaine, muttering, "Don't talk about heart attacks, or I _will_ cut you."

Blaine winced internally, apologizing, "Sorry baby. I love you so much though. I didn't want to lose you. Especially to Wes, I mean, really?"

"Yeah, he is!" Wes answered, before pausing while Blaine's words sank in. "Hey, wait! I resent that Blaine!"

"Hug?" offered Kurt, arms outstretched.

"Sure!" shouted David before diving into Kurt's embrace.

"David, get off my boy!" Blaine shouted, offended.

"David, hug?" offered Wes, arms outstretched.

"I meant for Blaine to hug me, not you. Imbecile..." Kurt muttered, accepting his boyfriend's embrace.

David pouted and slumped over to the bed, saying, "No, Wes. Kurt just hurt my feelings."

"Here we go again... Blay, tell your boyfriend to apologize!"

Blaine, however, completely missed Wes talking to him, for he was busy whispering sweet nothings into Kurt's ear, making the other boy turn an attractive shade of pink.

"It's like talking to a rock," he muttered, sitting on the bed next to David, awkwardly rubbing his back. "It's okay, buddy."

"NO ONE LIKES ME!" he sobbed into the pillow.

"Can we leave Blaine?" Kurt whispered seductively into Blaine's ear. "I don't want a repeat of last week, but with me in the middle!"

"Sure we can," assured Blaine, wiggling his eyebrows playfully, making Kurt giggle.

Wes was busy consoling his friend, missing the exchange behind him, saying, "Baby, I love you!"

"YOU WERE FUCKING KURT!"

"See you two later!" Kurt exclaimed, grabbing Blaine's hand before running out the door.

"Goddamnit, there going to go make out!" shouted Wes. A light bulb went off in his head, though, and he poked David. "Want to tape it and put it on Facebook to embarrass them, David?"

He lifted his head out of the pillow, a devilish smirk on his lips.

"I'll get the camera!"

And with that, they ran out of the room to chase down their favorite gay couple.

_**Fin.**_


End file.
